omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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