margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
