I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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