I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
