If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
