im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
