Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
