Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
