i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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