I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
