First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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