I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
