in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
