Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
