I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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