You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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