in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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