He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize