Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
