I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
