I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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