Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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