remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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