did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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