I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
