Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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