its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
