I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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