You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
