Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
