I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
