Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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