dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
