I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
