Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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