Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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