You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
