yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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