When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
