We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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