I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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