Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
