Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
