They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
