I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
