ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
