I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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