What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She bit a glass in half.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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