I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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