Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
