Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
