My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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