She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
