If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I woke up under a house in Key West
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
