Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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