The police scanner is talking about you again....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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