I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
