Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
