I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
