Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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