Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
