I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
