you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
