Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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