so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
