im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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