I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
