so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
