There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
