So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
