oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
