yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We need to get me chipped asap
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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